so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
