Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize