I wanna bring you to show and tell
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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