i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize