Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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