i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
