you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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