apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
