I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
