Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
