It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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