look no pants
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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