So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
