It's like God shit irony all over that family
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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