I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
