Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
