The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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