Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
