I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
