My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
