Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
