I'm really into asian looking animals
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
