no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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