dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
