So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
