She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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