hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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