You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
