just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
