Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
