They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
