Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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