I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
