I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
