and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
