Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
