just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
