Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
