its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i will never coherently bang her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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