member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
