I'm eating all of the evidence.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Found the puke drawer
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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