I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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