There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
