There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
3pm strippers are depressing
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
