turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
