He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
