I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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