these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
