My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
