This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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