I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
