The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
