this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
