The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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