I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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