Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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