I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
