Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
