Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
