I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
