so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
