My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
