My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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