It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
