Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
