We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
