If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
