Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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