Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
