my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
