Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
