I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize