It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
