there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
