You smell like a Billy Joel song
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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