It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
